Dear John

I've been thinking about what you said

Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash

Dear John,

I've been thinking so much about what you said, about how it's getting harder to tell what's true and what's not.

The world you're growing up in feels so different from the one I knew. It's filled with lies from people in power and lives that are so carefully presented online. I know it can feel like a really lonely, confusing place, and I want to help you figure out how to navigate it all. I've spent a lot of time trying to understand this, and this is my attempt to explain what I've learned.

When I think about how a society works, I see it as a network of trust. Our ability to rely on the idea that others will act fairly and predictably is the glue that holds everything together. Without trust, all the complex systems of modern life would simply stop working.

Trust is the belief that another person will do what they're expected to do. This belief makes us willing to be vulnerable, to assume the other person will do what's right. There are two kinds of trust. There's the trust you have in people you know, like me or your friends. But there's also a broader trust, the kind that allows us to interact with strangers and huge organizations. This broader trust is what makes society possible; it’s a shortcut that lets us navigate a world that would otherwise be overwhelming. Without it, you would have to question every single interaction, and you’d never be able to get anything done.

This trust is a central part of almost every financial transaction. It's especially important for things that happen over time, like a loan or a business deal, where there's a chance someone might not fulfill their end of the bargain. The whole system depends on that shared belief. And it’s a core pillar of democracy, too. When people trust their political institutions, they’re more likely to engage in civic debate, follow the laws, and support change. Political trust is like a well of good will that helps the system survive when things aren’t perfect. But when that trust erodes, when our leaders fail us, it hurts society and makes it easier for people who want to tear things down to step in. It's a vicious cycle: when institutions fail, we trust them less, which makes it harder for them to function.

The current crisis of trust isn't an accident. It’s the result of several powerful, connected forces coming together. These forces have created a situation where our society feels fragmented and polarized, making it difficult for people to know what is true or to trust one another.

There’s been a long, slow decline in our trust in institutions. We've seen decades of scandals and failures, from the church to our government. These betrayals have deeply undermined the public's confidence.

Then, there's the digital world. While technology has given us access to so much information, it has also strengthened our "bubbles of interpretation." The algorithms on social media are designed to keep you engaged, which means they tend to show you things you already agree with. This creates echo chambers where different viewpoints can feel like a threat. The algorithms also favor emotionally charged, divisive content, which creates a cycle where everyone, from politicians to news outlets, is incentivized to be more hostile just to get attention.

Finally, the crisis is fueled by deeper societal changes. Political polarization has intensified, leading to an "us versus them" mindset that directly contributes to a decline in trust. When people face community problems like poverty or crime, they are also more likely to lose trust in others. And a sense of economic inequality can make people question whether the system is fair at all. These things don't happen in a vacuum. Institutional failures create a foundation of distrust, which social media platforms then amplify. This amplification reinforces political polarization, which leads to gridlock, which in turn makes it harder for institutions to solve problems. It's a cyclical process, with a breakdown at one level deepening the crisis at all the others.

I want to talk about something important, John. What you and so many people are feeling isn't a sign of mental illness. You told me you were worried about paranoia, but paranoia is a way of thinking that involves suspicion without any real evidence. The societal distrust we're discussing is a rational response to an external reality that is, by many accounts, demonstrably untrustworthy.

Your feelings come from a valid observation of the world around you. This is a crucial distinction. Living in a world like this takes a significant toll. The constant exposure to social tension is a major source of stress, leading to anxiety, depression, and a sense of helplessness. It's important to acknowledge that this is an external problem, and it can affect you physically and mentally. But you have power, my son.

The path to navigating this environment is to shift from a helpless response to a proactive, intentional practice of resilience. Reframe your distrust as healthy skepticism. Healthy skepticism is a state of mindful questioning that can lead to more effective participation in the world. You can practice "cognitive restructuring," which means actively challenging your suspicious thoughts. Look for evidence to support your beliefs and consider how others might react to your fears, moving from an emotional response to a more rational one.

Manage the information you consume. The overwhelming amount of news and social media content can make anxiety and stress worse, so it is vital to set clear boundaries. Try limiting your news consumption to specific, small portions each day, muting triggering social media accounts or notifications, or even deleting apps for a mental break. It's also important to engage in creative hobbies, like writing or cooking, that help shift your focus from external chaos to a productive, grounding outlet.

To combat the physical and psychological toll, a holistic approach to self-care is essential. Mindfulness is a proven tool for managing anxiety. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. Find five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste to anchor yourself in the present moment. Focused breathing exercises are also simple and effective tools to calm a worried mind. And of course, foundational self-care practices like getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly are crucial.

Cultivate your personal trust circle. While generalized trust in society may be low, you can still strengthen the trust in your immediate relationships. Dedicate time each day to be with close friends and family, in person or through video chat, rather than just text or social media.

And beyond your personal circle, engaging in community is a powerful antidote to helplessness. Participating in local events or volunteering can help you feel more empowered and less alone.

And when the stress becomes overwhelming, please promise me you will seek support from a friend or family member, or a professional.

With all my love, Mom